Overcoming your barriers

My whole life I've always just felt... different. And I don't mean that in a positive way. I remember a few distinct moments where I'd put myself out there to connect, or to participate and was quickly given notice that my thoughts and/or my presence were not appreciated. One specific example, I remember being a little girl in class and the teacher asked us a question about the paragraph we just read meant. I shot my hand up, excited to share what I heard and saw. But it became apparent very quickly that my answer was NOT what she was expecting to hear. Never had I ever been so quickly and curtly shut down! To be honest, I don't even remember the paragraph or what it was about. (For all I know, I could have been extremely off.) But, I absolutely remember what it taught me... that some people only want to hear about what benefits THEIR agenda.

For some reason, I took that as a challenge. I would MAKE her see things how I saw them! I made it my goal that year to get her to understand me... to understand my perspective. Let's just say that was a LONG, ROUGH year of school with that teacher. Whether this was an in-born trait, or something else I don't know. But man, that stubborn streak of kicking against the goads followed me. Most of us have had a moment in our life when we realized that we see the world differently from others in some way. Some of us might've thought it was a bad thing. Maybe even dangerous. The way we learned to see our differences in life have the power to shape us and the people around us. For some of us, those differences have resulted in real barriers that have stood in our way... forcing us to feel like we needed to ask for permission simply to exist.

Stop asking for permission. As I got older, that desire to be heard and understood followed me. I started noticing a pattern in my life: it seemed like... every environment I was a part of, I found myself taking up the cause of speaking to the person in charge, with the hopes I could get them to see either my perspective or the perspective of someone else who I noticed was unseen. I'd give ideas on things we should try. Why I thought things weren't working. Maybe it was the naivety and (let's be honest) the inexperience and audacity of youth that told me I could walk into someone else's territory and get them to change. Especially when those territories were committed to keep people like me "in their place." But the problem was, it never seemed to work out well. For anybody. I'd get myself in to conversations that went nowhere and was given empty promises and consolations, along with a new label and reputation... I was now "dramatic" and "difficult." The people I wanted to help now had a target on their backs. And then, one morning I woke up and I thought to myself... "Why am I trying so hard to kick against the goads? Why do I keep waiting for someone to give me permission to create the future I want to see? To give me permission to be...me?"

What I realized was that even when I thought I was fighting for others, I was actually fighting for something in me. In my heart, I was still that little girl that I felt like I needed to prove my own worth. I wanted to be seen as intelligent. Equal. Good. It wasn't others I really needed to prove myself to... it was myself. I needed to believe for myself that I was worthy. Intelligent. Good enough... so that when others didn't inherently recognize it, it didn't remain a barrier to finding another way. And with God, there's always another way! It may not be the one you expected, but He's faithful to guide us to where we need to be, and He's got everything we need to get there. We need to be humble enough to ask for His help and follow His plan.

For me, getting past myself and my own narrow view was the biggest barrier of all.

A vision worth having should be bigger than just you. "She whose vision is greater than her need for______ can quietly change the world when no one is even looking." No, that blank wasn't a mistake. I left it there on purpose. I left it there because, unless we've reached perfection, most us have some area of our lives where we've learned untrue ideas or unhelpful patterns that keep us stuck. Let's call them..."dark seeds." These dark seeds, if not kept it in check, become like weeds that steal and distract energy from focusing on our wellbeing and our true purpose. For me, it was the need to feel worthy. Whether it be the need for acceptance, approval, credit, praise, power, popularity, an insatiable lust for more -you fill in the blank. Dark seeds take us off the course. They have to get pulled out periodically if you want good growth and fruit in your life. So it's worth asking: are there any dark seeds creating barriers in your life?

You are called to do good and compelling work. Your calling is too important for distractions. Your people need your whole self. That dream or vision in your heart to do good work that truly makes this world a better place for people to inhabit... it matters. It was likely put there by God, or by sheer will to overcome and make sure others don't face the same barriers. A good vision is always bigger than just you... it's about making a difference.

Philippians 2:3-7
³ Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.⁴ Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

⁵ You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

⁶ Though he was God,^[a]
    he did not think of equality with God
    as something to cling to.
⁷ Instead, he gave up his divine privileges^[b];
    he took the humble position of a servant."

Stop barking up the wrong tree. I am speaking to myself here. For some of us, we need to recognize that the reason we keep hitting barriers is because the people we are meant to serve/impact/reach can't be reached by the same old methods. It's going to take your creativity and initiative to find a new way around the blockage. It might just be time to try walking around your barriers instead of trying to break them down. Someone has already staked their place there and they're unwilling to make room for you to go through them. Whether it's because they feel threatened by you, or because they aren't open to changing, or whatever the reason may be... many times we try to force our way through places that either never had the space for us to begin with, or that have already served their purpose to re-direct us. People may try to tell you there's room... they may even believe it. But in the end, taking this same path will just end in you banging your head against that same old wall. The truth is, there is a wide open and spacious world out there with room for everyone. You just might have to take the long way around to find the ones that are unseen and unserved. But keep walking and don't quit until you find them. Don't get bitter or throw stones at the places that weren't meant for you. It's a waste of time, and your time is precious. Let God bring you out of that stifling box and place you where you were born to be.

Psalm 18:16-20
¹⁶ He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
    he drew me out of deep waters.
¹⁷ He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
    from my foes, who were too strong for me.
¹⁸ They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
    but the Lord was my support.
¹⁹ He brought me out into a spacious place;
    he rescued me because he delighted in me.

²⁰ The Lord has dealt with me according to my righteousness;
    according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me.

Start. You don't have to have a million dollars. You don't need to have a board. Start small. Start with one small step. One customer. One page. One cookie. One post. Whatever it is, you don't have to have a complete a ten year plan to begin to do the things you love and that make this world a better place. I believe in you!